Beach(es) Beat

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A gaggle of woolly-headed researchers in Denmark has managed to insult those of us who are mature in years and I am having none of this.

For some time now it has been generally accepted the human brain is at its best between the ages of 18 to 26. After that, I presume, it is all downhill in the thinking department; but the researchers found this is not necessarily true.

To their astonishment they discovered that in some areas the brain continues to putter along quite nicely past that best-before-date of 26 and then, with a condescending pat on our aging IQs, they say this can actually continue for another 20 years.

Well I am more than 18 and I am more than 26 and I am more than 18 and 26 put together and I believe you can add that 20-year figure as well, but of one thing I am sure: no bunch of bohemians is going to tell me that my brain isn't as sharp today as it has ever been and that is true of every one of us of a certain age as far as I am concerned.

As proof of this, I am going to let you in on a project that a group of us seniors is working on and when it hits the market it will solve one of the most vexing problems of our times.

Modern cars are sleek and shiny and filled with all manner of useful facilities, but that is not the problem. Under their hoods are huge engines powerful enough to send a man to the moon because that is what their owners, many of them in the 18 to 26 age bracket, want in their machines and that is where the problems lie because those owners want mighty engines to power their aerodynamically perfect vehicles.

Unfortunately, on occasion they are driven too fast and crash into hydro poles, mail boxes and all manner of objects and that brings me to the project us geezers are working on in Ed Farnsworth's garage on Tuesdays when his wife is off playing bridge.

Let consumers have space-age vehicles with their big growly engines but equip the cars with square tires. That way the owners, many of whom are in the 18 to 26 age group, will have all the bells and whistles but they just won't be able to drive so fast.

The cars will be especially useful in the winter when motorists attempt to negotiate those goat trails running north to Kingston Road from Queen Street because the square tires will have more traction than today's round tires. History will note that this development is the brainchild of a group of men with an average age well above that 18 to 26 mark. Thank you for your time.